Monday Music Monkey Review

Welcome back my bitches
I can’t believe it’s Monday again. Today I am reviewing the uber-sexy/skank whore band
that is the “Pussycat Dolls” second album ‘Doll Domination”. Firstly the Pussycat Dolls man they are one hell hot smoking bunch of fuck dolls that sing (well, only one does but hey, eye candy is eye candy). They are a former burlesque group who made the transition from strippers to pop stars. I’m sure that they have taken a lot of my money but it was worth it. The lap dances made me have to change my underwear. I love the fact that they have one of every chick to satisfy every-one’s taste. From a Nicole the fiery brunette Latino, then the two stereotype blonde’s, you know the ones every guy just wants to fuck and forget, the red-head who will fuck you and never let you forget but that’s another story (that is the last time I date an orangutan, if your reading this fuck off and die you beastly bitch). Then there’s the coloured chick mmmm tasty.
Now they wear the most amazing clothes, amazing in that it leaves little to the imagination but just manages to cover the bits we all want to see (mmm titties and vagina’s). I guess if I looked like them I would wear as little as possible, hey that’s another thing that pisses me off they get to wear the tiniest outfits and everyone is in awe, I wear something like that and I get arrested and charged for public indecency. Oh the double standards.
Now where was I, yes, The Pussycat Dolls second album ‘Doll Domination’ this album starts with the extremely catchy “When I grow up”, this song has the funniest lyrics the standout being
“when I grow up… I wanna have boobies” man any group that can sing a lyric like that without cracking up laughing has to be given credit.
The next songs “Bottle pop” and “Whatcha think about that” are pretty cool R&B songs. The next song “I hate this part” is a lament about love gone wrong and for a slower track it is one hell awesome song, I don’t know why I like it but I do. The next song “Take over the world”  is Ok.
The song “Out of the club” rocks man, nice and slow and it is really well sung, it is a very good slower R&B song. Then it all goes downhill after that with songs like “Magic”, “Halo” & “Elevator”. They just seem to be fillers, you know the crap songs that they put on to make it album length so that people don’t feel ripped off.
They them redeem themselves with the song “Hush,Hush”. This is a good song, again it is a lament about relationships. It is a catchy song, with a good hook and strong vocals and sung with just the right amount of angst. The thing that sticks out in listening to the album so far is how little singing the other girls get, man I know they are awesome decorations (fuck yeah) but you could let them have the lead vocals every now and then, it would actually make it seem more of a group effort rather than the one and only Nicole Doll with the pussies as decoration.
Now the album ends on the high note with the bonus track “Perhaps,perhaps,perhaps”. This song is what the Pussycat Dolls are all about it has a real Burlesque/cabaret feel and it sits so well with them, I would pay good money to see them perform this song in there ultra tight barely there clothes. Awesome way to finish another otherwise OK album.
So all up it is a good attempt at a second album, which is the hardest of all albums to do. So I will give them one shot for that, They also get one shot for being skanky bitches (they all count as one as they are a package deal) and they get half a shot because I love their rendition of “perhaps” giving them a total of (insert cliched drum roll) 2 and a half stars.
Lastly I would like to say to Nicole the lead singer, man let the other chicks sing too, you don’t always have to hog the microphone, hand it over to some of the others chicks in the group, that’s why I took three shots of whisky off you.
Peace out my bitches!
(Hey Redi I know you’re reading this can you please take the fucking ball and chain off now I’ve finished my review!)
Peace out my bitches!

Monday Music Monkey Review

Hello my bitches, I’m back my filthy little urchins! This week I will be reviewing the one,the only David Guetta's album one love. I know, how the fuck is a DJ considered a musician but for some reason his music is strangely addictive. I know that DJ’s are the cankerous sores on a filthy disease-ridden obese person’s butt crack, but David Guetta seems to be taking them out of the gutter that they belong in and I actually like it, so bear with me. I think all the spiced rum on the weekend has made me somewhat insane in the membrane, that or the fact that I haven’t had a root in days and my balls are the size of basketballs at the moment. I’m sure the next lady-friend I screw will be blasted across the room from my monkey juice! Anyway back to the album.

The first song off the album is ’When love takes over’ and with Kelly Rowland doing the vocals it kicks-ass. Kelly’s voice is at her most powerful and with music that suits the singing it is an absolute winner. I must say it has a real summertime feel to it, has me imagining myself drinking mojitas with lady-friends on a white sandy beach with this blaring out from my two deck cassette player, awesome. The next song is ‘Gettin Over’ which is a great song but I would like to move on.

The third track is the ultra club song ‘Sexy Bitch’ with Akon this song is the bomb. Akon’s vocals lends itself really well to the music and Akon does have a real hip-hop attitude. The music and lyrics are awesome! I totally love this song it is just pure raw dance music that just makes you want to get up and dance with your own ‘Sexy Bitch’

The next track ‘Memories’ features Kid Cudi and again it is another cool song. We then move onto the next track ‘On The Dancefloor’ which features Will.I.Am and Apl De Ap . The awesome voice of Will.I.Am singing against a real electronic music style shows that Will.I.Am is a truly talented artist who can pretty much do any style. Then we are on to the track ‘It’s the Way You Love Me’ featuring Kelly Rowland again if you thought that the first song she did was unreal then this song takes her and David Guetta to a whole new level, unbelievable music and the most amazing singing just pure fucking awesomeness.

The next track ‘Missing You’ featuring Novel is great, however the track ’Choose’ featuring Ne-yo and Kelly Rowland is to say the least a musical journey that you will love to go on, great music and great lyrics. ‘How Soon Is Now’ is another top track featuring the vocal talents of Julie McKnight

We then hit the track ‘I Gotta Feeling’ by the Black Eyed Peas which Guetta helped write and produce for their album The E.N.D. earlier this year (see my earlier reviews). The version on this album is called the FMIF Remix Edit which has a real electronica feel than that on the Black Eyed Peas album. It’s still an awesome song!

Then we come up to what I would call the absolute stand-out on the album the title track ‘One Love’ which builds slowly and the voice of Estelle is like the voice of an angel, singing really intelligent lyrics this really is just pure music bliss.
Then ‘I Wanna Go Crazy’ featuring Will.I.Am is both these artists at the top of their game. ‘Sound of Letting Go’ featuring Chris Willis is yet another great track with a really punchy music score. ‘Toyfriend’ and ‘If We Ever’ featuring Wynter Gordon & Makeba are an awesome way to end a great album. I know I have always maintained that Dj’s really are the dirt of a man’s penis, but David Guetta has finally crossed over and become an artist not some cock that just fucks over someone else’s music.

So I am giving this album a well-deserved 5 shots of whiskey out of five. This is definitely a must have for your collection! Go and get it now, David Guetta has truly mastered the whole electronic/dance music genre and emerged as an artist to be reckoned with. Till next time 
Peace Out! my bitches!

Monday Music Monkey Review

Hey, what’s up my bitches. 

I hope you all listened to my last review of Pink’s latest offering and went and bought it as it's a pretty cool album.
Today my bitches, I am reviewing an album by Kelly Clarkson. This chicky babe is the bomb, having won American Idol she went on to record a massive first album, which gave us many hits and the album I am reviewing today is “All I ever wanted” the fourth installment from a very talented singer. Fuck me, from the first song this cheeky little tart hits your ear drums like an iraqi roadside bomb.

The first single off the album “My life would suck without you”
is a perfect song for Kelly Clarkson she belts this tune with a voice that
(where does that voice come from) can only be described as powerful and strong. Then the next song is “I don’t hook up” I love this song it’s vocals go from plunging depths to the highest of high notes. I especially like the lyrics about putting the bottle down you’ve got to much talent. It’s like she is singing this just to me.

The diversity of songs is amazing, you can see why this girl won American Idol. Tracks like “cry” and “Save me’ are the ballad type songs that Kelly Clarkson does so well. Then she launches into some dance/pop song like “If I can’t have you”. A stand out for me is the song “whyyawannabringmedown” it has a throbbing drum beat followed by Kelly singing/screaming the lyrics. It seems quite an angry song which especially suits Kelly’s voice. I would love to see her perform this song with a heavy metal band.

All up this album is a very worthy addition to your collection. I must say I watched American Idol and was a fan of this girl from the start (she doesn’t turn me on like little Lily Allen or Pink does but hey!). I think we are fortunate that shows like idol can unearth such talent. This album is full of diversity and no song sounds the same which is a huge plus for me and Kelly Clarkson has a wonderful knack of making songs that you just can’t help but sing along to.

So with out further ado I am giving this 4 shots of whisky out of five.
Well done Ms Kelly Clarkson. Now I must finish the chorus of “My life would suck without you” (mmm speaking of sucking, what do you say Kelly I fancy a polish!)
ENJOY MY BITCHES

Monday Music Monkey Review

Today, as promised I will be reviewing the one and only Pink. I mentioned that she has that real trailer park trash thing that turns me on, but this album makes me think she is more of a misfit than anything else. This album is full of songs that are at once very disjointed but then they are so Pink if you know what I mean,

Anyway let's get into shall we? The first track is an absolute anthem 'Are We All We Are', it is another political song in the same vein as "dear Mr President. as evident by this lyric "We are the people that you’ll never get the best of.” I must say I love when Pink gets political I would have loved to have seen her open a can of whoop-ass on Mr George W. Bush, that would have been awesome. 
We then move onto 'Blow Me (One Last Kiss)' a real cheeky song and something that I personally would love right now (no not the kiss bit, the blow me bit!) The next song is 'Try' this is an OK song but a bit of an odd choice for her second single.'Just Give Me A Reason' is another cool song that feature's the lead singer of Fun Nate Ruess, it is a really cool song, that I am still singing along too.

We then move onto 'True Love' this song is unreal it reminded me heaps of Kelly Clarkson but it is Pink at her powerhouse best! and I absolutely loved hearing Lily Rose Cooper (aka Lily Allen, she is the bomb as far as skanks go) again. 'How Come You’re Not Here?' is the next song and it is Pink at her best. We then move onto 'Slut Like You' which is Pink asking why men aren't considered sluts ( I mean, I am a primate and yes I am a slut and I totally own that shit man!) This song is so funny and I highly recommend you listen to it. 

We are now at the title track 'The Truth About Love' and although it's a good song I personally don't believe love has a truth it does have a really cool beat though. 'Beam Me Up' is a slow sad song a real heart-breaker about talking to someone whose dead. 'Walk Of Shame' is a really catchy song that really grows on you.
'Here Comes The Weekend' features the one and only Eminem and it quite a strange song it somehow just doesn't do much for me. 

'Where Did The Beat Go?' features a thumping drum and is reminiscent of her earlier songs. I found it a bit of a strange one again, I think I will need to listen to it again. 'The Great Escape' is the final song on the album is a piano ballad that is a pearler of a song, Pink brings an emotional intensity to this song that gives you goose bumps (I know I only usually get them when I need to take a dump).It really finishes the album off well.

So all in all what a stellar return for Pink after the hugely successful Funhouse album. I must say that Pink is in fine form and this album is another ripper from her. On that note I am giving it 4 and a half shots of whiskey out of five.
Now can I have my testicles back please Miss Pink?

Till next week peace out my bitches